From Meltdown to Mindful: Parenting with All Your Parts

Parenting is one of the most emotionally complex and rewarding journeys we can take. If you’ve seen the movie Inside Out, you’ve likely resonated with its imaginative portrayal of emotions like Joy, Sadness, Anger, Fear, and Disgust. Each character shows up to help Riley navigate her world, just as our own emotions—and internal “parts”—play roles in how we parent.

In the Internal Family Systems (IFS) model, these “parts” are more than just feelings; they are different aspects of ourselves that come forward during various situations. Some parts protect us, some carry burdens from past experiences, and others want to help us thrive. Recognizing and understanding these parts can transform how we approach parenting, fostering deeper self-awareness, emotional regulation, and connection with our children.

Meet Your Parenting Parts

Parenting activates so many internal parts. You might notice:

• The Inner Critic: The voice that tells you, “You’re not doing enough.”

• The Protector: The part that wants to shield your child from harm but may come off as overbearing.

• The Overwhelmed Part: The one that feels exhausted and wonders, “How can I do this?”

By tuning in to these parts, we can step back and recognize that they all have good intentions, even when their methods aren’t always helpful. For example, Anger might erupt when your child refuses to listen, but beneath it, there may be a protective part trying to ensure your boundaries are respected and that everyone is safe.

Integrating Parts Work with Respectful Parenting

Respectful parenting focuses on building secure attachments by validating emotions, setting boundaries with empathy, and supporting children’s autonomy. Integrating parts work into this approach can enhance your ability to stay present and attuned:

1. Name Your Feelings:

   • When you notice a strong reaction, pause and identify which part is active.

   • Example: “I see Anger is here because I feel disrespected.”

2. Get Curious:

   • Ask yourself: “What is this part trying to protect or communicate?”

   • Often, parts hold valuable insights about what matters to you as a parent.

3. Respond from Your Self:

   • In IFS, the Self is the calm, compassionate core of who you are. When you’re Self-led, you can approach challenges with curiosity and care instead of reacting impulsively.

4. Support Your Child’s Emotions:

   • Just like you have parts, your child does too. When your child is overwhelmed by Fear or Anger, help them name their feelings and offer reassurance:

     • “It looks like Fear is really big for you right now. Let’s take some deep breaths together.”

Parenting with Compassion for All Your Parts

Parenting isn’t about being perfect; it’s about showing up with curiosity, compassion, and the willingness to repair when things go awry. By acknowledging your parts and staying grounded in your Self, you can foster a home environment where emotions are welcomed and connection thrives. Just like the characters in Inside Out, your internal world is full of valuable voices. When you learn to listen to them with kindness, you’ll find greater ease in navigating the highs and lows of parenting. And in doing so, you’ll teach your children to do the same.

Wanna dig in more?

• What part of me shows up when I feel stressed as a parent?

• What part takes over when I feel joyful and confident in parenting?

• What does this part need from me to feel more balanced?

• How can I approach this with empathy and curiosity?