The Therapy Blues
When Therapy Makes You Feel Bad: Understanding the Ups and Downs of the Healing Process
Therapy is often thought of as a safe space for healing, growth, and self-discovery. Many people enter therapy expecting to feel better after each session, gaining insights and strategies to manage life’s challenges. However, it’s not uncommon to feel worse before you start to feel better. If you’ve ever left a therapy session feeling sad, anxious, or even angry, you’re not alone. Let’s explore why therapy can sometimes make you feel bad and why this discomfort is often a sign of progress.
Why Does Therapy Sometimes Feel Bad?
Unearthing Buried Emotions:
Therapy encourages you to explore and confront feelings that you may have suppressed for years. These buried emotions, whether they’re related to trauma, grief, anger, or fear, can be overwhelming when they surface. When you finally acknowledge these deep emotions, it’s natural to feel a surge of discomfort. The process of bringing these feelings to light can be painful, but it’s a crucial step toward healing.
Challenging Long-Held Beliefs:
Therapy often involves examining and challenging the beliefs you hold about yourself, others, and the world. These beliefs may have been shaped by past experiences, and while they’ve served a purpose, they might also be holding you back. When a therapist challenges these beliefs, it can feel disorienting or even threatening. Letting go of familiar, even if harmful, thought patterns can create a temporary sense of instability.
Facing the Reality of Change:
Therapy is a process of change, whether it’s changing behaviors, thought patterns, or ways of relating to others. Change, even positive change, can be difficult and unsettling. The prospect of change can trigger fear and resistance. You might feel anxious about stepping into the unknown, leaving behind old habits, or facing the consequences of making different choices.
Navigating the Therapeutic Relationship:
The relationship between you and your therapist is unique and can sometimes evoke strong emotions. You might feel vulnerable, exposed, or even defensive during sessions. Trusting someone with your innermost thoughts can be daunting. If you feel misunderstood or judged, it can lead to feelings of frustration or sadness, even though these feelings can be valuable for growth.
Revisiting Past Trauma:
For those who have experienced trauma, therapy can involve revisiting painful memories to process and integrate them. This can be an intense and emotional experience. Reliving traumatic events, even in a controlled environment, can bring up strong emotional reactions. However, processing these memories is a necessary part of healing from trauma.
When Feeling Bad is a Sign of Progress
While feeling bad in therapy can be uncomfortable, it’s often a sign that you’re engaging deeply with the process. Here’s why:
Growth Comes from Discomfort: Growth rarely happens in comfort zones. The discomfort you feel is a signal that you’re challenging old patterns and making room for new, healthier ways of being.
Emotional Release is Healing: Allowing yourself to feel and express difficult emotions can be a powerful release. Rather than bottling up these feelings, therapy offers a safe space to process and understand them.
Awareness Precedes Change: Recognizing and confronting issues that have been holding you back is the first step toward meaningful change. Therapy helps you develop this awareness, even if it’s uncomfortable at first.
How to Cope When Therapy Feels Bad
Talk About It:
Share your feelings with your therapist. If a session leaves you feeling upset, discuss it openly in your next appointment. Your therapist can help you understand why you’re feeling this way and guide you through the discomfort. Processing your reactions in therapy can deepen your understanding of yourself and your emotional responses, leading to more productive sessions.
Practice Self-Compassion:
Be gentle with yourself during this process. Acknowledge that it’s okay to feel bad sometimes, and give yourself permission to experience these emotions without judgment. Self-compassion can ease the intensity of difficult emotions and help you stay motivated to continue your therapeutic journey.
Use Grounding Techniques:
Engage in grounding activities after a tough session, such as deep breathing, mindfulness, or connecting with nature. These practices can help you stay present and reduce anxiety. Grounding techniques can stabilize your emotions, helping you regain a sense of calm and control after an emotionally charged session.
Reflect on Your Progress:
Take time to reflect on your journey. Consider how far you’ve come, even if it feels like progress is slow. Journaling or talking to a trusted friend can help you process your experiences. Reflecting on your progress can provide perspective, reminding you that the discomfort you feel is part of a larger process of growth and healing.
Set Realistic Expectations:
Understand that therapy is not a quick fix. It’s a process that takes time, and there will be ups and downs along the way. Set realistic expectations for yourself and the therapeutic process. Having realistic expectations can prevent feelings of frustration or disappointment when progress seems slow, helping you stay committed to your therapy.
When to Consider Making a Change
While it’s normal to feel bad at times during therapy, it’s important to distinguish between productive discomfort and distress that might signal a need for change. If you consistently leave sessions feeling worse without any sense of progress or if you feel that the therapeutic relationship isn’t working, it might be time to reassess. Consider discussing your concerns with your therapist or exploring other therapeutic options.
Final Thoughts
Feeling bad during therapy is often a sign that you’re digging deep and doing the hard work of healing. While it can be challenging, this discomfort is usually temporary and can lead to significant breakthroughs. Remember, therapy is a journey, not a destination. By embracing the process, even when it’s tough, you’re paving the way for lasting change and a healthier, more fulfilling life.